If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
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Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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