I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
