Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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