Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
