Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
