He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
