I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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