Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
