I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
