Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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