after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
