I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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