It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
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I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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