Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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