Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
