Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
