There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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