Your tits are I can't wait for
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
