"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
