Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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