I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
