Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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