i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
my poor anus
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
