I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
