Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
