ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
