Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
