when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we're making bets on your personal life
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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