I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
