I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
