If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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