So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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