The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
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I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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