my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
