I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
