No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
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Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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