Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
