When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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