Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
tell me about the fingering
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
