Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
