You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
