Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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