it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
