Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
