Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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