I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
