lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
