im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize