It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
