If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
