well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
