Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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