i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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