I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
