I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You work out of a Hotel?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just invented taco cereal.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
