Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
