LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize