What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
