Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
