Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
