careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
