In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
