Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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